So. As we get older, our friends get picked off one by one… it’s due to natural process of plasmolysis. I’m misusing biology words. Please don’t learn from me.
…it’s only going to make it hurt worse when you find your ‘someone’.
Short ending to a short story: I asked Country Boy how he would feel if I said I liked him as more than friends, and he said he wouldn’t want that because he saw me as a “best friend”. In other words, friend zoned. Given that this was yesterday’s news, I can now say with confidence that I did not cry over the matter–even if it was essentially a rejection.
Some might conclude that if I didn’t cry over the matter, it meant that I didn’t actually love him… well, that could be true, but I prefer to think of it in another way. Even through my wording when I brought up the topic with him, I didn’t outright say “I like you” but rather something more along the lines of “is it okay to like you”. My mindset was that I finally liked him enough to consider dating him, but I was still hesitant in committing to liking him because I didn’t want to be hurt if it was to all come to nothing. So I asked him what he’d think first.
Honestly, at this time when I have no idea what country/city I will be living in a year from now, this is not the time to be concerning myself with love and relationships anyways. I gave it a shot with him because I wanted to clarify that what we had was truly friendship and nothing more, and now that that’s over with I’m free to talk to whomever I’d like/apply to schools that aren’t near to home without reservations. Considering that he still messaged me to have our regular Skype chat last night and the session was like every session before that, I think I can happily conclude that our present relationship wasn’t destroyed by my risky gamble. And that’s enough for me. #thisiswhyi’msingle.
Still in the single sisterhood whether I like it or not,
I’m not sad that Serious Guy got a girlfriend. I’m disappointed that he didn’t tell me that he got one. Rich Guy was the one that told me over a group call.
Right then, where to start…
I’ve never been a person with many guy friends. Throughout high school, I had a grand total of one. In university (for the four years that I was in it in Canada) there were two. (For some strange reason I managed to make a bunch more guy friends when I was abroad in Japan… but we’ll come back to this in a bit.) The thing with the three guy friends that I had in Canada, was that I felt with each of them that our “friendship” was just a premise for what might have been love. With the guy in high school, I KNEW that I was the one making excuses to talk with him because I liked him… and I felt like he was doing the same (I later found out for sure: he was). In university, I thought that I’d finally made guy friends… but something about the way they treated me and talked with me always made me wonder if they were still looking for more than just friendship.
Although I never confirmed it with the last two, one thing was for sure: random conversations dwindled, invitations to hang out came less frequently, and each of these three “friendships” inevitably met their end. 2/3 of them coincidentally ended just around the time when my “friend” found a girlfriend. Imagine that.
So I’ve come to believe that there is no such thing as a platonic friendship with guys… someone’s always interested in someone else, which is why the conversations keep going. But then my exchange to Japan happened. Continue reading “Why isn’t this love?”
Wow, it has been a while since I last blogged. My apologies. I’ve finally finished my exchange term in another country and then went off to travel around Southeast Asia. Now that I’m back home, I’m still jet lagged and am suffering from summer laziness. The interesting thing I guess that has happened in my life is meeting the Serious Guy again in his home country which made me realize that I . . . probably still liked/like him.