Like a firework, he burst into my life

Hello. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I would say that nothing’s changed since my last post… over a year ago, but that would be quite a lie.

Since last June I… got my Bachelor of Education, moved to a small town on the other side of Canada where I knew no one, started graduate school, lived in a dorm with 3 of the best housemates in the world, finished my first two terms of grad school, had to reject a guy who didn’t even ask me out on the grounds that he was coming on WAY too strong, experienced a massive snowstorm in April, travelled for a month to Singapore/Japan, hosted/attended my first academic conference… oh, and apparently I’m no longer single. How the heck did that all happen?? Given time constraints and the nature of our blog, I’m only elaborating on the weirdest, most unexpected of all those things today… the not being single part. He’s literally the unexpected firework that came from all the darkness, so humour me as I break down this simile.

Warning: the very last section (short-lived) might be PG13 rather than our usual, G-rated content. Continue reading “Like a firework, he burst into my life”


Online Dating Discoveries

One of my close friends thought it’d be fun to try online dating, so I thought . . . why not? She’s honestly the sort that was TOTALLY against online dating and she hardly ever tries anything new. For her to actually make an account and start trying out an app to find someone made me realize . . . that I should give this a shot too. At the end of the day, the two of us, including Selene, were totally . . . over this online dating. No more. Continue reading “Online Dating Discoveries”

Tread lightly, so nothing breaks.

That was my most random title yet. This post will probably also be quite random. The only reason this post is actually becoming a thing is because I didn’t want to post it on our group chat on the off-chance that it might rub anyone the wrong way (because the me that overthinks can see the possibility).¬†Call it wishful thinking, paranoia, overthinking, overanalyzing, whatever you will… as soon and as highly improbable as it may seem, there may be something in my non-existent love life to squint at for a bit.

After my unsuccessful pseudo-confession/rejection with Country Boy, I swore that I would give up all notion/hope of love before getting settled into grad school. I really don’t have the time/mental ability/desire to start a relationship with anyone else right now when my whole future is so up in the air. So someone please explain to me just what is happening now.

Continue reading “Tread lightly, so nothing breaks.”

Whelp, I tried.

Short ending to a short story: I asked Country Boy how he would feel if I said I liked him as more than friends, and he said he wouldn’t want that because he saw me as a “best friend”. In other words, friend zoned.¬†Given that this was yesterday’s news, I can now say with confidence that I did not cry over the matter–even if it was essentially a rejection.

Some might conclude that if I didn’t cry over the matter, it meant that I didn’t actually love him… well, that could be true, but I prefer to think of it in another way. Even through my wording when I brought up the topic with him, I didn’t outright say “I like you” but rather something more along the lines of “is it okay to like you”. My mindset was that I finally liked him enough to consider dating him, but I was still hesitant in committing to liking him because I didn’t want to be hurt if it was to all come to nothing. So I asked him what he’d think first.

Honestly, at this time when I have no idea what country/city I will be living in a year from now, this is not the time to be concerning myself with love and relationships anyways. I gave it a shot with him because I wanted to clarify that what we had was truly friendship and nothing more, and now that that’s over with I’m free to talk to whomever I’d like/apply to schools that aren’t near to home without reservations. Considering that he still messaged me to have our regular Skype chat last night and the session was like every session before that, I think I can happily conclude that our present relationship wasn’t destroyed by my risky gamble. And that’s enough for me. #thisiswhyi’msingle.

Still in the single sisterhood whether I like it or not,

Why isn’t this love?

Right then, where to start…

I’ve never been a person with many guy friends. Throughout high school, I had a grand total of one. In university (for the four years that I was in it in Canada) there were two. (For some strange reason I managed to make a bunch more guy friends when I was abroad in Japan… but we’ll come back to this in a bit.) The thing with the three guy friends that I had in Canada, was that I felt with each of them that our “friendship” was just a premise for what might have been love. With the guy in high school, I KNEW that I was the one making excuses to talk with him because I liked him… and I felt like he was doing the same (I later found out for sure: he was). In university, I thought that I’d finally made guy friends… but something about the way they treated me and talked with me always made me wonder if they were still looking for more than just friendship.

Although I never confirmed it with the last two, one thing was for sure: random conversations dwindled, invitations to hang out came less frequently, and each of these three “friendships” inevitably met their end. 2/3 of them coincidentally ended just around the time when my “friend” found a girlfriend. Imagine that.

So I’ve come to believe that there is no such thing as a platonic friendship with guys… someone’s always interested in someone else, which is why the conversations keep going. But then my exchange to Japan happened. Continue reading “Why isn’t this love?”

when you know you`re being way too invested…

so does anyone get overly obsessive about other people`s relationships? like, this is not healthy for me anymore.

I mean, my life has always been so bland that I needed to resort to living vicariously through others but this is another level of insanity. Continue reading “when you know you`re being way too invested…”