The only problem

Hey. Our lives crossed paths a while ago. I was younger. Infatuated with someone else. Yeah. I really wish I could paint a picture of a fairy tale romance, but I can’t. Real life doesn’t work that way.

Actually, real life never worked out the way that I imagined it would. So yes. I did like someone else at that time. You were a surprise, the type of person I’d never expect to meet. It didn’t occur to me then, but it was because you were so sure of what you wanted in life. You are so confident about your life choices, the road that you wanted to take and how to get to your goals. You remain a reflection of everything I wanted to be as a person.

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I own the responsibility. Completely. Utterly. Without Shame.

Well, it’s been a long time since any of us posted. Quick update. We’re all still single.

That’s completely not surprising.

Continue reading “I own the responsibility. Completely. Utterly. Without Shame.”

Cries of the Forever Available

So today I asked my best guy friend why, despite having been in a dominantly male environment for the past 7 years, nobody likes me. Honestly, I’ve been pretty confident in myself. Looks wise and personality wise. I think I speak for all 4 of us when I say that. However, we’re somehow… all single… and with the exception of @unjustnyx, we’re single to the point where there is no one making an effort for us.

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What we could have been 

It’s the middle of the night,
The lights are gone,
It’s too hot to sleep. 

I stare at my ceiling,
And start counting the stars,
The stars that I cannot see. 

My mind wanders,
And you appear in my mind,
And I know.

I know that it would’ve been difficult,
I know that it is now no longer possible,
But I wonder what we could’ve been. 

The street lights shine,
The silence continues,
I toss and turn.

My defenses have been enabled,
My laughter restored,
There’s still a hole where others can not see.

I try to forget,
I move on,
But I know.

I know that you aren’t the first,
I know you won’t be the last,
So I wonder what we could have been.

We would’ve been equals – standing shoulder to shoulder in the fight of life. 
We would’ve been best friends – listening to the pains of life. 
We would’ve been partners – keeping an eye on each other’s back. 
We would’ve been family – providing a place of shelter and comfort. 

But you. 
You gave up before we even started. 
You didn’t give us a chance to begin. 
You fled at the first alternate option. 
You were a damn coward. 

But I know. 
I know the hurt inside my heart, 
I know the facade outside my soul,
I know that it really wasn’t your fault. 

But it hurts. 

It’s the middle of the night,
The lights are gone,
It’s too hot to sleep. 
So I sit up.. And write a poem about what we could’ve been. 

unforgivingAthena

Acting like the bigger person

For the near future, this will be the last post on the guy-that-never-got-named. Huh. Maybe that should be his name. There’s something that you should all know about me. I hate not knowing the answer to something. I hate not being able to understand what went wrong and thus not being able to work on fixing it. You could almost call it… somewhat of engineering tendencies.

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Urgh. I hate it when I feel this way.

So, I have a problem. It’s not really a problem, but something I’ve noticed that annoys me about my own personality. However, I think that there is some backstory to be told here before I get into my whole thought process/rant. 

Continue reading “Urgh. I hate it when I feel this way.”