Cries of the Forever Available

So today I asked my best guy friend why, despite having been in a dominantly male environment for the past 7 years, nobody likes me. Honestly, I’ve been pretty confident in myself. Looks wise and personality wise. I think I speak for all 4 of us when I say that. However, we’re somehow… all single… and with the exception of @unjustnyx, we’re single to the point where there is no one making an effort for us.

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What we could have been 

It’s the middle of the night,
The lights are gone,
It’s too hot to sleep. 

I stare at my ceiling,
And start counting the stars,
The stars that I cannot see. 

My mind wanders,
And you appear in my mind,
And I know.

I know that it would’ve been difficult,
I know that it is now no longer possible,
But I wonder what we could’ve been. 

The street lights shine,
The silence continues,
I toss and turn.

My defenses have been enabled,
My laughter restored,
There’s still a hole where others can not see.

I try to forget,
I move on,
But I know.

I know that you aren’t the first,
I know you won’t be the last,
So I wonder what we could have been.

We would’ve been equals – standing shoulder to shoulder in the fight of life. 
We would’ve been best friends – listening to the pains of life. 
We would’ve been partners – keeping an eye on each other’s back. 
We would’ve been family – providing a place of shelter and comfort. 

But you. 
You gave up before we even started. 
You didn’t give us a chance to begin. 
You fled at the first alternate option. 
You were a damn coward. 

But I know. 
I know the hurt inside my heart, 
I know the facade outside my soul,
I know that it really wasn’t your fault. 

But it hurts. 

It’s the middle of the night,
The lights are gone,
It’s too hot to sleep. 
So I sit up.. And write a poem about what we could’ve been. 

unforgivingAthena

Acting like the bigger person

For the near future, this will be the last post on the guy-that-never-got-named. Huh. Maybe that should be his name. There’s something that you should all know about me. I hate not knowing the answer to something. I hate not being able to understand what went wrong and thus not being able to work on fixing it. You could almost call it… somewhat of engineering tendencies.

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So a journey ends. Thus, my future begins.

Hello,

Long time no see. It’s been a while since I’ve posted and a while since anything interesting has happened. My excuse is that the past couple of months have been extremely busy with me working on my thesis and writing a couple of papers that never got submitted (although my supervisors promise that they will, I don’t know how much I trust him). But that’s not really the reason. The reason is, we… or at least I… use this blog as a channel for emotional venting… and when there is nothing emotional happening in my life… except the fact that I hate writing papers, there is nothing to vent about. Life sucks.

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