Long time no see. It’s been a while since I’ve posted and a while since anything interesting has happened. My excuse is that the past couple of months have been extremely busy with me working on my thesis and writing a couple of papers that never got submitted (although my supervisors promise that they will, I don’t know how much I trust him). But that’s not really the reason. The reason is, we… or at least I… use this blog as a channel for emotional venting… and when there is nothing emotional happening in my life… except the fact that I hate writing papers, there is nothing to vent about. Life sucks.
Tomorrow, I move back to Vancouver, the only place in this world that I can truly call home. I’ve only learned how much I miss it when I’ve left it for so long. But I don’t dislike Toronto, or regret my decision to come here. These two years has allowed me to see more of the world, meet new people and learn new things, useful things that I will definitely make use of in my career and my future. Or something like that.
I thought I would be entirely happy and excited to go home. And I am! But it is kind of bittersweet. For a couple of reasons. Actually. Only one. LOLLL
And honestly, it’s not even that big of a deal. I’m just a little bit pissed off. As always. It made me look at myself in the mirror and go: “Wow. I’ve really fucking failed on the romance part of my life.” Actually, the exact words that I said was “Wow. I’ve really failed as a woman.” And then as I was writing I thought about the fact that the relationship status of a girl does not affect how successful a woman is..etc. etc…. but that’s a different story for a different day.
So here is the story. There’s this guy in my lab who I thought might like me. Or at least it seemed that way. It might also be because I’m delusional and I’ve been out of the game for tooooo long. So I observed for a couple of weeks all the while keeping in mind that I was about leave with no plans to come back.
I don’t dislike this guy. In fact, despite the fact that he’s literally the same height as me and pretty far looks wise from the celebrities that I like, I think I can grow to like him a whole lot. So after a few weeks of stewing in my cowardice, I decided to message him the day before to ask him whether he would be willing to try it out with me.
Today, he came to pick me up to go to the airport. Nice guy, right. And in the car, he said: “Long distance is difficult.” OK. Fine. I can’t even argue with that perfectly legit reason for a rejection. Sigh.
I’m disappointed. Not heartbroken, just disappointed. It feels like you’ve spec’ed out the perfect car and then you find out that you can’t buy it. Loll.
Anyways. Moving on now. I’m excited to get back home and begin my career. Money and fame. Wait for me.
As my supervisor puts it, today is the beginning of the rest of my life.