Thinking about forever (even if may never come)

We’re sitting in a comfortable silence, each lost in our own thoughts, after a long and exciting day out. I’m on my phone, smiling to myself as I flip through photos of the day and wishing that days like this could last forever–when he asks if we can make one stop on the way home. I glance up at him, wondering what he where he could possibly still want to go at this late hour, only to find that he’s staring back at me with an unreadable expression. Confused and wanting to get to the bottom of that look, I nod. He grins and turns to lead the way, one hand intertwined with mine, the other hand in his pocket clutching something out of my view…

… looking at that spontaneous write, I can’t tell if it’s actually cute, or if I’ve just lost my mind because of the stress of the past week. But yeah, that was supposed to be my take on what kind of proposal I’d wish for–despite the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend.

I stopped at that point because I can’t even decide how I would ideally want the rest to play out. Maybe he’d take us somewhere significant, and we’d just be chatting and laughing like normal when he pops the question.  Maybe we’d go to a cafe, or somewhere pretty, or a place where our friends were lying in wait. I’d even be fine if he didn’t really have a location in mind, and just worked on getting through the conversation. Like my fellow contributors here, I’m not the type of person who needs candles or flowers or flashy proposals. I don’t need a fancy ring either. Watching the video of our friend’s boyfriend’s proposal (he rented a house, decorated a pathway leading to a collage of their couple photos and the spot for his big proposal) my only thought was: “I would be miserable, die of embarrassment and not know how to react after the first 10 seconds if I was in her shoes”. I don’t want a crowd… I’m not even sure if I’d want a photographer/videographer or my closest friends there because–while I’d like to have the moment documented–I’m not photogenic and can’t imagine a pretty situation.

Writing about this topic is unexpectedly difficult… I feel like I’m sending so many contradictory messages about what I actually want. On the one hand I present a super romanticized view of a perfect moment, while on the other I say I don’t need anything fancy. Who knows, I could feel differently about this an hour later but… for now, what I’d want in a proposal is: for it to be thoughtful, heartfelt, and to catch me off-guard. That’s not asking for too much, right?

unjustNyx

PS: If his proposal could be as smooth as Sengoku’s confession to Remi was, I think my brain would implode… in a good way~♥ …He’d probably get lightly smacked the minute I snapped out of it though. (I hope he can love my unpredictable nature too.)

j021-copy

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2 thoughts on “Thinking about forever (even if may never come)

  1. How someone asks you to marry them isn’t as important as why they’re asking…And they should be asking because they want to spend the rest of their life with you helping you to be the best person you can possibly be and vice versa. Just sayin…I MEAN, you totally know this. I just. I care about you, stranger on the internet who reads my blog as I read the one that she writes on with other people, and I want you to want more than the perfect proposal. Want a marriage that will make you perfect. Okay, my slightly hypocritical rant that was partially said more to convince myself than anyone else is now done. Love ya, and stay strong!

    • Thank you, as always, for your words and thoughts of kindness ❤ I think our aim in making the posts though was more of an indulgence to fantasize about how we'd want the proposal to be done, in comparison to our friend who's just had hers. Nevertheless, you have an excellent point that should not be forgotten–we should want more out of the marriage itself than how the proposal plays out.

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