Cries of the Forever Available

So today I asked my best guy friend why, despite having been in a dominantly male environment for the past 7 years, nobody likes me. Honestly, I’ve been pretty confident in myself. Looks wise and personality wise. I think I speak for all 4 of us when I say that. However, we’re somehow… all single… and with the exception of @unjustnyx, we’re single to the point where there is no one making an effort for us.

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What we could have been 

It’s the middle of the night,
The lights are gone,
It’s too hot to sleep. 

I stare at my ceiling,
And start counting the stars,
The stars that I cannot see. 

My mind wanders,
And you appear in my mind,
And I know.

I know that it would’ve been difficult,
I know that it is now no longer possible,
But I wonder what we could’ve been. 

The street lights shine,
The silence continues,
I toss and turn.

My defenses have been enabled,
My laughter restored,
There’s still a hole where others can not see.

I try to forget,
I move on,
But I know.

I know that you aren’t the first,
I know you won’t be the last,
So I wonder what we could have been.

We would’ve been equals – standing shoulder to shoulder in the fight of life. 
We would’ve been best friends – listening to the pains of life. 
We would’ve been partners – keeping an eye on each other’s back. 
We would’ve been family – providing a place of shelter and comfort. 

But you. 
You gave up before we even started. 
You didn’t give us a chance to begin. 
You fled at the first alternate option. 
You were a damn coward. 

But I know. 
I know the hurt inside my heart, 
I know the facade outside my soul,
I know that it really wasn’t your fault. 

But it hurts. 

It’s the middle of the night,
The lights are gone,
It’s too hot to sleep. 
So I sit up.. And write a poem about what we could’ve been. 

unforgivingAthena

You know you’re in a strange/sad situation when…

…you’re a single, 25 year-old girl and the person who you have a constant conversation with and who wishes you good morning and good night is a 14 year-old boy. No, I’m not a pedophile, there’s explanations and reasons leading up to this situation! Don’t freak out and call the cops! I’m posting this collection of things that have been on my mind lately mostly because it’s a chance to organize and lay them all out. If my first sentence hadn’t thoroughly disgusted you, read on to hear me out! Continue reading

Online Dating Discoveries

One of my close friends thought it’d be fun to try online dating, so I thought . . . why not? She’s honestly the sort that was TOTALLY against online dating and she hardly ever tries anything new. For her to actually make an account and start trying out an app to find someone made me realize . . . that I should give this a shot too. At the end of the day, the two of us, including Selene, were totally . . . over this online dating. No more. Continue reading

Acting like the bigger person

For the near future, this will be the last post on the guy-that-never-got-named. Huh. Maybe that should be his name. There’s something that you should all know about me. I hate not knowing the answer to something. I hate not being able to understand what went wrong and thus not being able to work on fixing it. You could almost call it… somewhat of engineering tendencies.

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